


A Memoir of a Happy Life

by lucifers_left_earlobe



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, Mary Winchester is their adopted daughter, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-29
Updated: 2013-12-29
Packaged: 2018-01-06 13:15:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1107290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucifers_left_earlobe/pseuds/lucifers_left_earlobe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester keeps a journal of his life beginning in 1967 and ending in 1994.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Memoir of a Happy Life

June 26, 1967-  
Cas’s smile is nice in the morning.  
He put on the old Buddy Holly records, sometimes Elvis, and take me in arm to swirl around in the apartment. His smile reaches his eyes, baby blue glinting in the early light, and his lips are flushed as he kisses me.   
Last week he asked if I wanted to marry him. I think I know my answer.  
-Dean W.

May 1, 1968-  
Even the liberalism of California has a limit.   
Cas and I went to the courthouse, proposing a ‘unification’ or whatever, and the judge turned us down. He gave us his blessing though, which was nice. Sammy even drove down from Stanford with his girlfriend, pretty young thing called Jess, and stood behind us while we were turned away. It was nice, but Cas seemed kind of sad afterwards.  
-Dean W.

September 10, 1971-  
Cas wants to adopt a kid from Nam.  
I don’t really know how I feel about that. We were approved by both the American government and neutral officials from there, but I don’t know if I’ll make a good dad. I guess I probably will-Dad raised Sammy and I good and Mom taught us kindness, but still. Kids are big, kids mean that white picket fence life.  
I don’t know if I’m ready.  
Dean W.

September 6, 1973-  
I like to take pictures of Cas and Mary.  
She’s cute, will be five years old in a couple of days. Cas was smart to push for the whole adoption thing. She likes to take my shirts, likes to sleep on my chest if she manages to scramble in bed with me and Cas. Cas was freaking out when she lost her first tooth, got scared of all the blood I think.   
Life’s good, everything is great.  
-Dean W.

November 12, 1981-  
Mary has a crush on this boy in her class.  
I’m okay with it, I guess. Well, no I’m not okay with it. He’s fifteen and she’s barely thirteen. Says he likes her ‘exoticness’. I don’t want his grubby hands on her, but I guess I’ll have to let her handle things on her own. Cas seems to share my thoughts on the kid-his eyes turn stormy whenever he walks through our door. I shouldn’t think it’s adorable-the way his nose scrunches, the set of his angry mouth, the way his writing reflects his frustration with the boy- but he really is.  
-Dean W.

August 11, 1988-  
Mary’s going to college.  
I feel old. It’s selfish, but it’s all I could think about as we loaded the truck with all of her things. My back hurts more often than it used to and I have to squint to see things now. Hell, it’s not as bad as Cas who had to buy a pair of reading glasses! I think he’s feeling it too; he’s almost fifty. I’ve just barely crossed the threshold over forty-five and I feel close to death.  
I wonder if Cas thinks about death a lot.  
-Dean W.

May 23, 1992-  
Cas’s hands are shaking as Mary gets her diploma.  
She’s going to be married as soon as she leaves the university, some guy named Mike proposed. I’m happy-he’s a nice kid, from a good family too. I guess it’s just some of that nostalgia creeping up again.   
I still haven’t told Cas about what the doctors said. He doesn’t need to hear it on a happy day. His wrinkled face is handsome in the dim light, pink lips tugged into a gleeful smile as Mary raises her arms in happiness.  
This is a happy day, don’t dwell on bad thoughts, Winchester.  
-Dean W.

January 2, 1993-  
Mary got married on New Year’s.  
I wish I could’ve gone, wish the goddamned orderlies would let me leave for one day. Nurse Masters said that I would be at too much risk if I left the confinement of the sterile room. Cas insisted on staying with me, even though it would’ve been appropriate for one of us to go. Mary said she didn’t mind, and that she wanted me to get better, but I still gave her her presents and a kiss good luck.  
I bet the wedding was fun, I bet she danced with Mike’s parents instead of me or Cas, but it’s okay. I’m happy knowing she’s happy.  
The cancer’s spreading; doctors say it’s only a matter of time before it reaches my lungs, attacks my vitals and leaving me helpless. They say it’s incurable; pancreatic cancer, I guess. I have about two months until I’m gone.  
I don’t want to go.  
-Dean W.

April 15, 1994-  
Hey Cas,  
If you ever open any of these letters, I just want you to know that I love you. I love you even if I might not be there, if you can’t see me. By the time you see this, I will have passed on to some shitty heaven or hell or whatever; well, it won’t be heaven because you won’t be there with me. But don’t hurry up trying to get here either.   
Say hi to Mary’s babies for me, if she has any. I know she didn’t want any when I was here, but who knows, maybe she changed her mind. Is Mike being good to her? I hope so- he seemed like a nice kid.   
Anyways, take care of yourself, Cas. And don’t give me that shit about ‘always taking care of yourself’ I know you forgot meals every now and then.  
Be careful, and don’t be sad. I’m always by your side, remember our vows?  
-Love, Dean

**Author's Note:**

> This made me cry, for real, and I hate my writing. I actually like this one except for the fact that I hate it because of Dean dying.


End file.
